Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
