I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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