I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
