thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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