Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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