i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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