Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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