Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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