I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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