normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
