one two three fourrrrnication!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
