Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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