I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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