the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
