All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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