id be glad to
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
