we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
