Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize