please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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