I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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