Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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