No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
