I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
