Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All the doctor said was why
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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