also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
