They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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