So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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