For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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