Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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