Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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