Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
