I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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