You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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