yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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