Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
