i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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