I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
