i need an iv and a liver transplant
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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