yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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