Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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