we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
