fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
