you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
