thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
