I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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