I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
