I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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