That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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