i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
