I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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