You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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