I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
