What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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