Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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