pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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