Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
