It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
