I heard we made out
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
