You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
