he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
