the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
