I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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