Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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