I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
