he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
