Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
