I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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