So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
