Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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